- Give yourself a schedule that involves you spending approximately 60 hours a week at home, 55 of which are spent sleeping. Bonus points if your boyfriend/male roommate (which the cat sees as a direct threat to his alpha-male-dom) is frequently left home alone with the cats.
- Leave town for a long weekend, boarding the cat at the vet while you do so.
- Return home to the same busy never-actually-home schedule.
- Sit back and watch the tiny little cat brain explode every time you even think about leaving the house.
*For best results, start with a cat that is pathologically attached to you.
(Hey there! Not dead, just absolutely swamped with school. Summer anatomy class = a buttload of time in class and even more time spent studying. Right now my sanity hinges on the fact that there’s only 3.5 more weeks of the quarter left.)